Liam Payne has opened up about his struggles with mental health and admitted that he had “severe” suicidal thoughts.
Speaking on Diary of a CEO the former One Direction singer shared that he was unable to do everyday tasks and despite having a £500million net worth, he still “feels like a child”.
“I was a director of a half-a-billion pound industry at 22. But if I am trying to pay car insurance I am useless. Picking up my post? I am the worst person in the world. You are deluded in your growth,” he said.
The Strip That Down hit-maker added: “I still feel like a child in so many ways. There is no link between money and happiness. It is a myth. Money is the ability to relax on certain things.”
He shared that during his time with the famous boy band, he struggled with addiction and mental health issues but kept it under wraps.
“There is definitely some stuff I have never spoken about to do with it. It was really, really severe.”
“There were a few pictures of me on a boat and I was all bloated out and I call it my pills-and-booze face.
“My face was 10 times bigger than it is now. The problem was, the best way to secure us was to lock us in our rooms, and what is in the room? A mini-bar.
“So I had a party-for-one that seemed to carry on for years. It was wild but the only way you could get frustration out.”
He also spoke about how he slipped back into his bad habits during the Covid-19 lockdown.
“I did worry up until the last few months. I think a lot of people had this same sort of thing, alcohol. It was getting earlier and earlier and easier and easier to go to.
“What I’ve found more than anything with the alcohol is boundaries. If you’re on Zoom you can probably get away with being a bit tipsy, when you’re not supposed to be.
“I put on so much weight, I was eating badly and describing it as a bulking period — “I’m doing it for a movie role! It’s all good!” That’s the best excuse if anyone asks if you’ve put on weight. Say it’s for a role, coming out 2022.
“I put a lot of weight on. What got me, I did one performance on TV with the BAFTAs and I was disappointed with myself. I didn’t look how I wanted to look.
“In your own self you know how you feel about it. Obviously they say the camera adds ten pounds and it definitely did. I realised I’ve let myself go in this.”
When asked about his mental health and “moments of suicidal ideation”he confessed: “Yeah. There is definitely some stuff I have never spoken about to do with it. It was really, really severe.”